Jaded
by The Rouge Glow-worm
Summary: A scratch I've been wanting to itch. A Snape monolouge about his service under Voldemort, who I compare to Hitler. Snape compared to Josef Mengele. Interesting intellectual read, if I do say so myself. Watch out, you might even learn something! 0_0


I had to write this thing for English. I combined information on Josef Mengele (The Angel of Death) with information gleaned about Snape in Harry Potter. I've always felt there are many similarities to Hitler and Voldemort, and that's where I got this idea. Josef Mengele and Adolf Hitler sicken me, they are disgusting individuals and symbols, and I in no way support what they did. I do recommend further reading on Mengele, however, as that is one of the nastier aspects of World War Two rarely spoken about. After all, "Only the dead can forgive, the living have no right to forget." Credits at the bottom, enjoy.  
  
I didn't choose this life. When the Fates decided to create me, they proved once and for all that they were nothing more than a group of sadistic old witches with a sickening sense of humor. When I was born, someone decided to make me different. Someone brought into the Snape family with a characteristical flaw in the Snape Family's eyes; morals. Someone chose to present me with a terrible choice: to follow in my family's name, or follow my conscious? Someone chose to give me a so-called gift of redemption, which would serve to erase my past sins, and at the same time scar me for life. I didn't chose this life. At first, I thought I was the one in control of my future. I remember why I joined the Death Eaters: my father had led me to believe that they were right in what they were doing. At the time, they were a small group, a minor organization and no one paid them much attention. They were led by a boy named Tom Riddle, fresh out of Hogwarts, an exceptional military mind, but still very young. No one was worried.  
  
In my years at Hogwarts, I studied Muggle history at great length. Although my parents didn't approve of my involvement with anything Muggle, they liked it when I told them of my studies of World War Two. They felt that our Lord would benefit from anything I could learn about Hitler's reign and fall. Voldemort could avoid the same mistakes Hitler had made in his quest for the pure race.  
  
My father guided me towards a place as a close son to our Lord. He felt that, because of my exceptional potion skills, I would be serving best if I molded myself into an "Angel of Death," a Josef Mengele Jr., for the wizarding Hitler. I would ultimately be responsible for coming up with a way to sue science and magic in order to create a world of purebloods; wizarding eugenics. Of course, the entire of Slytherin House had been trying to create a perfect race for a thousand years now, but to no avail; it was one of their their house failings, the twin sins of inbreeding and racism combined. Indeed, it was the worst result of eugenics that was possible. Slytherins had been marrying into the same families for centuries. They were nothing but inbreeds, passing on a family name, some money, and a drive for wizarding perfection. They had no real ability, and were all a product of incest.  
  
My father directed my future, made me into what he could not be himself, and I became a byproduct of his twisted mind. Even then, I didn't see it, I didn't know how my path would prove to be the worst I'd ever set out upon. I thought, as always, that my father was right. I suppose that, since my father wanted so badly to have a son of advanced age and intelligence which he could mold, I strived to prove myself as an adult from the time I was very young.  
  
In order to become a wizarding Mengele, I followed his path of studies. I learned medicine and philosophy, as Voldemort imitated Hitler by making excitable national speeches to further his growing cause. One of my history texts, called "Josef Mengele: The Angel of Death," showed an excerpt from Mengele's Memoirs that was startling similar to an entry in my journal about my feelings on the world's politics and the Ministry of Magic's state. "My political leanings were, I think for reasons of family tradition, national conservative. I had not joined any political organization. But in the long run it was impossible to stand aside in those politically stirring times, should our Fatherland not succumb to the Marxist-Bolshevik attack. This simple political concept finally because the decisive factor in my life." It was odd that my father had died before my similar entry, so he was not a large influence over my life at that point. It was now Voldemort's stirring speeches and the attack on his cause that made me thirst for a place as his prodigal son.  
  
While my father's death had potential to be a pivotal point in my life, I still would remain faithful to Lord Voldemort, in hopes of acquiring the power and fame lusted over by all Slytherins. I could continue down the path of Mengele, as my father would have had me do, of I could denounce Voldemort, my research, and indeed, my life up until that point. The latter would, I knew, result in my death. Voldemort was gathering power and starting to strongly oppose resistance.  
  
But the lure of fame was too strong for me. I chose to continue on my pursuit of unlocking the secrets of genetics and how they effected humans, giving them impure blood and wizarding imperfections. I strived to gain fame and respect as a researcher, combining magic and science to advance the wizarding race. My goal, my raison d'être, was to create an entire world of pure blooded wizards by removing Muggles and mudbloods and mass-reproducing wizards. I studied in the 3rd Reich Institute for Hereditary, Biology, and Racial Purity at the University of Frankfurt, the same place Mengele studied. I was under the instruction of Dr. Ernst Rudin, Mengele's mentor, a professor at the Institute for magical and racial purity and as I attended his classes and lectures, I formulated my beliefs of the world that were to effect millions of people who came through my hands in later years. I believed that doctors had not only a right, but an obligation to destroy impure, polluted life and replace it with pure blooded wizards. By this time, I had already earned the Dark Mark, had divided the world into 4 classes (purebloods, mudbloods, muggles, and squibs) and had earned a Ph.D. for my thesis called "Racial Morphological Research on the Lower Jaw Section of Four Magical Groups". Voldemort had by this time gathered a library of information on Hitler, and was strategizing ways to revive the 3rd Reich as a successful and unbeatable empire. One of the many additions to his anarchy was an awards system. The Order of Grindelwald was given for bravery, fearlessness, and devotion to the cause, or the furtherment of the Final Solution. Hitler would have called this the Iron Class. The Order of Slytherin was inspired by the Congressional Metal of Honor, and the Book of Days was created in place of the Croix de Guirre. It was the Order of Grindelwald that I was given for my thesis, along with an invitation to join the DE Waffen, the more elite group of Death Eaters. It was modeled after the SS Waffen of Hitler, to which only the most devoted followers of the cause would be admitted.  
  
After my initiation to the Waffen DE, I was re-assigned to the Kaiser Wilhelm Institute for Anthropology, Human Hereditary Teaching and Genetics. I was responsible for starting the Grindelwald Department for Hereditary Teaching and Magical Genetics. It was here I started studying how different factors varied between the 4 different groups. I felt that characteristics such as feeblemindedness, epilepsy, blindness, deafness, schizophrenia, manic depression, and alcoholism should be entirely removed from the human race, so as not to further contaminate the gene pool. By removing these factors, perhaps muggles would die out and the wizarding race would thrive.  
  
I was now gaining the fame and respect I had wanted since I was a child. I was being widely recognized by people who had even seen Hitler's reign. One, for example, was Professor Otmar Freiherr von Verschuer, a renewed mind in the area of genetics. He addressed me in a publicity conference for the Dark Side "the first statesman to recognize hereditary, biological, and race hygiene," meaning I was a unique thinker in new ways to rid the world of Muggle filth. I had at last found the praise I had wanted from my father, even if he wasn't around to see it. I was then moved to a magically secure location that Voldemort had created for my experiments. He felt it was time I put my research to the test, and remove the problem that was Muggles from the face of our earth.  
  
The sites he had designated were scattered throughout mid-Europe, many in Germany, on the grounds that had once held death and concentration camps of the Jews and Gypsys. I set up here with a few assistants, and began to organize my research to try to weed out the 3 magically impure groups.  
  
I think it was at this point that my wonder about how science and magic effected magical ability dove-tailed with my slightly sinister view on death. I became obsessed, and I even now don't remember what the purpose of many of my experiments were. It was only children I used in the "experiments," I found them easier to work with. They didn't realize I was the one being sent to cause them harm, and I could change faces from the loving, gentle man who gave them candy and told them stories to the cruel and sinister man who preformed terrible operations and procedures on them. In one experiment, I tried to change the color of their eyes by putting chemicals in them. These left the children blind. I would order excessive amounts of blood to be drawn, causing them to faint. Many major surgeries were preformed without anesthesia. One I remember vividly was a heart being removed, sans anesthesia. In another, I removed parts of a stomach. Other operations left the children unable to walk, or without sexual organs. There was even debate about whether or not it would yield profitable information to have sets of twins mate. But despite the monstrosity of the life the children led, no one questioned me. They didn't ask, "why did this one die? What was the point?" I said it was in the name of science.  
  
The fools believed me.  
  
This is the part of my life that's hardest for me to discuss. I usually try to forget how I gained the trust of the people Voldemort had captured for the camps. I would never think about how arriving people would be serenaded with famous classical music, while barely a hundred yards away, barbaric experiments maimed and killed their comrades. I would try not to think about how I lavished affection and love on the children I would later kill, would block out those memories every time I looked at my students. I would never mention how I would try to take away the fears of the children about to be studied by walking with them to the lab, referring to the walk as "on the way to the chimney". I never even told Albus exactly what I did at the laboratory. I think he knew that my experiments were not really to prove anything, just to sate my sinister curiosity. He knew that ever since my father, I had been driven to be the best at all I did. Even during my time at Hogwarts, Slytherins were shunned just for being placed in that house. It was disturbing, because not all Slytherins were evil; in fact, very few were. But their reputation made them a group to be feared. You weren't put in Slytherin because you were evil, but because you were ambitious, which was good. But you were feared because you were in Slytherin, which left the Dark Arts as your only outlet. That's how it was with me. The things I did, I did them the whole-hog. I didn't simply support Voldemort's cause, I joined the Death Eaters, and the Waffen Death Eaters at that. "In every way possible, (I) sought to advance my own interests by demonstrating that there was no one else in the field who did things quite like I did". Then something happened to change my life forever. My sister, Melia Snape, had married into a pure-blood family, the Fudge family. Her husband, Cornelius Fudge, had little taste for me; he did not know what I was, but he suspected. My sister was unaware of my actions, and I was anxious for her to remain that way. I loved my sister, nothing would harm her if I could help it. So of course, marrying her off to a first class idiot like Fudge wasn't something I was going to willingly do. But she was happy with him, and she stayed by his side even as he rose quickly in the Ministry. It was at this point in time that Voldemort felt a stronger, more personal message should be sent of his growing power. To the Minister of Magic. I was unaware of his plans, if I had been, I would have done everything, even given my life, to stop them. But Voldemort dispatched a group of Death Eaters to Serena's home, killing her and her new-born boy. Of course, upon Fudge's return home, he was devastated. Since he couldn't say exactly who it had been, he vowed to wage war against all Death Eaters, not just the ones responsible for his wife's death. I saw at this point what I had become in life; what a Monster I was. I, of course, went to Dumbledore. Dumbledore, who had watched over me from a distance even in my Hogwarts days. I wonder what it was he knew then that I am still learning. But he accepted me back into the fold with very little questioning. I told him that, after my sister's death, I had seen my Lord for what he really was. Ready to publicly denounce the Dark Lord, I told Dumbledore everything I knew, and waited with bated breath for my sentence to fall. I deserved the worst, I was a Death Eater, a group of people so evil their blackness was only matched by their small-mindedness. If Dumbledore told Fudge, I'd be sent to Azkaban for sure; he would blame me for my sister's death, which was a thought I couldn't even bear. I'll never forget the words Dumbledore said to me, after I had confessed everything I had done in my life to further the Dark cause. He looked me directly in the eyes and said, "Severus, I know you don't think you deserve redemption. I myself was worried at times you'd never return to us, that you'd continue your chosen path. But you proved even me wrong. I can't tell you how glad I am of that. Are you ready to redeem yourself?" I had tried to avoid his twinkling blue stare while he delivered himself of this, but now I fixed my gaze on his steadily. "Sir, I am ready to do whatever you ask. I cannot hope to atone for my past sins, but I will do my best." Dumbledore looked as if he had been expecting this. "You can most surely not undo the damage you have created. 'Yet it is in our efforts to prevent such future tragedies from occurring that we strive to understand what it is that motivates such individuals to behave in this way'. You, Severus, have the knowledge of how the Dark minds work, and the will to help us reverse it. "You will become a double-agent, Severus. Continue to work for Voldemort. Ask that your research be finished, but continue as a Death Eater. Give us any information that you can, even the most insignificant detail can prove to be valuable." I had learned very early in life to reserve my emotions, not let them show, but this was the last thing in the world I had been expecting. "Professor Dumbledore, I fear going back because it would mean pretending to be who I thought I was, but now see I could never be again. What if I regress? What if I continue on the path of Mengele?" I think he was surprised I had concern about that; at any rate, he took a moment before responding. "Severus, there are many similarities between Mengele and yourself. Your thirst for knowledge became warped, as did his, and used your knowledge and drive to learn to twist history horribly. But there is one incredibly important difference. "Mengele, from what I understand from Muggle texts, operated under a psychological principle that was called 'doubling.' He was divided into two wholes, but each part of him operated as an entire person. On the one face, you could play the children and others involved in your experiment like a harp, get them to do exactly what you wanted them to do, while at the same time comforting them and making them like you. On the other side was the man you have denounced, a cold, harsh, unfeeling man who was able to perform such experiments and you have described to me with no feelings of remorse, not until now. He could convey a loving image while simultaneously being the sinister Auschwitz doctor responsible for so many deaths. We may never know if his two sides were something in his power or not, but he obviously had no intention of giving up either one. "But you have not got a blanketed conscious. You are ready to cast aside your other face in favor of risking life and limb to help us. This proves you are a good man, Severus, and worthy of the life and redemption that will come to you by helping us." I still wasn't convinced. But I owed my life to the Headmaster, I was willing to do whatever he asked. My respect for the headmaster has grown in the years since the Dark Lord's downfall. He continued to shelter me even after the Potters' death, and provide a light at the end of the tunnel for me. I found comfort in teaching at Hogwarts, and a purpose at the same time. By babying the generation of Slytherins entrusted to me, I could provide them all with handicaps that would cause a weak Dark Side one day, and my harshness on the other houses would help steel them for what lie ahead. I knew Voldemort would return, there was never any doubt about that. But now that he has, I know where my loyalties lie. I made the choice this time. "Severus, you know what I must ask you to do. If you are ready. if you are prepared.." One day, long ago, someone chose to make me different and my life difficult. But no more. Now I make my own choices. "Yes, I am."  
  
  
  
Credits: This being a research paper, I had to cite my sources, so here they are!  
  
"Josef Mengele: At Harmony with Evil." The Crime Library. 2000. 12 Feb 2002. http://www.crime library.com/mengele/evil.htm  
  
"Josef Mengele: The Making of a Young Nazi." The Crime Library. 2000. 12 Feb 2002. http://www.crimelibrary.com.mengele/young.htm  
  
Lagnado, Lucette Matalon. Children of the Flames: Dr. Josef Mengele and the untold story of the twins of Auschwitz. New York: William Morrow and Company, Inc, 1991.  
  
Lynott, Douglas. "Josef Mengele: Selection." The Crime Library. 2000. 12 Feb 2002. http://ww.crimelibrary.com/mengele/main.htm  
  
"Timeline of Josef Mengele." History of the 1900s. 1991. 20 Feb 2002. wysiwyg://54/http://history19002.about.c...st/blmengele.htm?once=true& term=mengele  
  
I also tyook a quote from the Goblet of Fire. The opening and ending lines about choices are from a story I read a millennium ago it seems, but I don't know WHERE I found it! Someone telling me where it was would be appreciated and the addition will be made, and if the writer then has a problem with me using that, I'll be happy to change it. We're all in this together, fellow writers! Also, the idea of "twin sins of racism and inbreeding" came from Riley's "Pawn to Queen" *worships fervently* I loved that story, everyone go read if I haven't bored you to death already. Even if I have, go read, it'll wake you right up!  
  
I love reviews. I love reviews. I'm feeling unloved. LOVE ME! 


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